By |2020-04-02T16:57:39-07:00July 31st, 2013|Tags: |3 Comments

At approximately 3:45 Tuesday afternoon Big Bertha began her 1.7 mile 14 month journey digging a tunnel under our fair town in which, presumably, Highway 99 will someday live.

Here’s a shot of our gal ready to go to work. Wow…she’s a looker!

big bertha







I hope I speak for everyone when I say I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Big Bertha has an uneventful journey. But, this being Seattle, you just know she’s going to find something weird during her days of digging.  When she does, she’ll be able to tell us because like everyone else these days she’s on Twitter:


Speaking of which, I asked via Twitter and Bookface this morning what the most likely weird thing Bertha might find buried under Seattle. You, as always, did not let me down.

Eric Jacobson lobbed out a nice obvious one: DB Cooper. He’s GOT to be somewhere, right?

George Smith says the long rumored Stern/Bennett sex tape.

OK…IF this exists and IF there’s a chance Big Bertha might find it I want her to STOP IMMEDIATELY. Again I hope I speak for the majority when I say I have no desire for any such tape to find the light of day.

Dave Clark volleyed out the Groz’s empty bottles.











On the surface this seems like a fair theory. But Mr. Clark knows from years of working with Groz that when one bottle is done it’s simply left behind. Another is quickly opened. Groz is not taking the time to bury his empty bottles. He looks at them scornfully, like a former lover.  “I’ve used you and I’m done with you. Now get out of my life.”

Kevin Henn says Hiroshi Yamauchi.

I guess that’s possible but I’m pretty sure he’s never left Japan. Unless he had Big Bertha dig a tunnel for him under the ocean. “Uh, sir, money for free agents or pay Big Bertha to dig tunnel?”  “DIG!”

Mike Niksich got a laugh with Olden Polynice’s cop uniform.

 Ryan Amato thinks it might be Ichiro’s copy of  Rosetta Stone.

Chris Hinton and Alan Lagervall both say Jimmy Hoffa.

What a shocker that would be. But I think the further we get away from Mr. Hoffa’s disappearance the more likely it is that he got the Satriale’s treatment.

Speaking of which, I’m watching a Sopranos rerun the other night. It’s the episode where Christopher is freaked out by a recurring dream featuring a guy he killed. He’s worried that the body will be discovered where he buried it and he and his cousin go to unearth it and move it. After digging, they finally get to the body. His cousin says “is that the guy?”

Christopher gives him an incredulous look. “Well, now, that would be a hell of a coincidence if it wasn’t.”

Michael Thompson went with David Stern’s integrity, which supposes he had some to begin with.

Stacy Cannon says A Rod’s PED stash from his M’s days. Possible, but given his brain power (or lack thereof) he probably left it sitting on top of his locker.

Smoakie McPot wonders if it might be Gary Lockwood. I was thinking of Lockjock the other day. We only worked together for a short time and I didn’t know him well but I knew him to be a big fan of JJ Cale. He would end his show each week with the Cale song Friday which is, in a word, sensational.


Otto Rogers says it’s going to be Bobby Ayala’s gas can.

I was all prepared to trash this idea by pointing out that he clearly took it with him to Montreal but the truth is he had a decent (comparatively speaking) year in 1999 after his legendary 1 and 10 flameout year in 1998. So that might just be it.

Jeff Brebner says Rick Mirer.

He’s making wine in California so I think we’re safe there. Here’s a fun bet you can make with your know it all sports buddies. Bet them that Mirer spent more than 10 years in the NFL. He actually was on an NFL roster for 12 years. You may wonder how that’s possible and the answer is he was a good teammate and willing to be a backup. But, wow, what a talent drop off. The AFC rookie of the year in 1993. And then…nothing.

Brian Williams had a good one. The end of Bo Jackson’s TD run.

Pete Hanson had a plausible theory. The 20,000 missing Mariners fans.

George Smith again…this time with a better one. The best one.

Big Bertha’s gonna find Howard Schultz civic pride. A ha! THAT’S where it went!

If yours didn’t make the cut or you want to lob in additional ideas do so in the comments down below.

And good luck Big Bertha. We’re all counting on you.


About the Author:

Mike Gastineau has been a fixture in the Seattle sports community since his arrival in June of 1991. In a business where loyalty and longevity are rarely used in the same sentence his 21-year career at KJR Radio screams out both. During his time at KJR Gas created the KJR Kares-a-thon, a yearly charity radio show that raised over $1.5 million for various Puget Sound-area charities.


  1. Sweet Lou July 31, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    Al ” Football All American at USC” Martin. The guy that was the only one to remember his dominant football performances while at USC against UCLA. On second thought I hope Bertha runs right over him,.

  2. Thom Hamilton August 1, 2013 at 10:38 am

    Mike, i miss hearing you on a daily basis, as i dont have a carand dont drive any more, so i cant pick up sires radio, or where your on radio now. Glad you have this blog, so i care read and enjoy your comments, tc, enjoy the hydros on sunday.

  3. Jeff Brebner August 20, 2013 at 8:36 am

    I’m swollen with Gasman fan pride to make the blog, but I have to admit that Brian Williams’ was WAY better than mine. The only way the Seahawks could have stopped Bo Jackson that day was to give to give him the Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom treatment. Shoot him with a tranquilizer dart, throw a net over him, and tag him with a tracking transmitter. Somewhere he’s still running and Boz is still spinning like the abused turnstile he was in that game.

    Miss you on KJR Gas!

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